How to Make Real Friends Online (Even If You’re Introverted)

Sam Booth Jacobsen
May 26
5 min read

Updated: Jun 9

We often talk about how hard it is to make friends as adults—or how intimidating it feels to start a new connection online. But there’s another challenge that doesn’t get enough attention:

What do you do after you’ve met someone interesting… but you’re not quite friends yet?

That space between acquaintance and actual connection can feel undefined, delicate, and full of potential. It’s the middle ground where friendships are made—or left to drift away.

And if you’re introverted, you might hesitate. You don’t want to chase or overshare. You want something mutual, grounded, and real.

The good news? You can absolutely guide a budding connection into something deeper—without forcing anything or pretending to be someone you’re not.

Let’s talk about how.

Two vibrant lovebirds, orange and green, perched closely on a branch against a bright green background, exuding a sense of affection.

Step 1: Shift from Moments to Momentum

The difference between a passing interaction and a growing friendship often comes down to follow-through.

If you’ve had a great conversation or a shared experience that felt meaningful, take the next step to keep that momentum going.

Try:

📩 Sending a casual follow-up: “Hey, I really enjoyed chatting with you the other day—would love to continue sometime.”
🔗 Sharing a related link, article, or video: “This reminded me of our convo about [topic]. Thought you’d enjoy it.”
🎟️ Inviting them into a second shared experience: “There’s an online event I’m thinking about joining—want to check it out together?”

💡 Friendship is built in layers. The more consistent, light touches you exchange, the more solid the foundation becomes.

Step 2: Move from Topics to Themes

Early interactions tend to revolve around shared interests—books, work, hobbies. To deepen the relationship, start connecting through themes, not just topics.

Ask and share about:

⚡ What excites or energizes them lately?
🧭 What values guide their choices?
📚 What they’re learning, exploring, or unlearning right now.

This doesn’t mean turning every chat into a TED Talk. It just means going a level deeper, asking, “What’s beneath the surface of this thing we both enjoy?”

You’ll start to recognize emotional common ground—and that’s where intimacy grows.

Step 3: Start a Low-Effort Shared Ritual

Friendships don’t need grand gestures. What they need is reliability—a rhythm, a ritual, a reason to show up regularly.

Ideas:

❓ A weekly check-in question: “What’s something that surprised you this week?”
📖 A mini book club or article swap: one piece of content, one conversation
🎵 A shared playlist you update together
📬 Monthly “life debrief” messages (highs, lows, thoughts, growth)

This doesn’t have to be planned or rigid—it just has to invite consistency in a way that feels natural for both of you.

💡 The middle stage of friendship thrives on rhythms. Regular touchpoints build familiarity, safety, and trust.

Step 4: Open the Door to Real-Life Emotion

Once you’ve established connection, deepen it by making room for real feelings—without expecting full vulnerability right away.

This doesn’t mean pouring your heart out suddenly.

It means:

💬 Naming your emotions (“I’ve been feeling a little unmotivated lately.”)
🗣️ Asking open-ended questions (“What’s been on your mind recently?”)
⏳ Letting silence or slower replies be okay

True intimacy often starts with emotional permission—giving yourself and the other person room to be more human, more complex, more seen.

Step 5: Ask for—and Offer—Reciprocity

Friendship is most sustainable when it feels mutual. If you notice yourself always initiating, or wondering if they care as much, it’s okay to check in gently.

Try:

🗓️ “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you—would you be up for staying in touch more regularly?”
📥 “I love our chats. If you ever want to talk or vent or just share something random, I’m here.”

These invitations are respectful, clear, and empowering—they create space for both of you to opt in.

💡 If they say yes, amazing. If they don’t, you’ve honored your desire for something deeper—and saved energy for someone who’s ready to meet you there.

Step 6: Expand the Context of Your Connection

If all your conversations happen in one place (a game, a forum, a group chat), try slowly expanding that space.

Examples:

💬 Move from the group chat to private messages.
📹 Suggest a one-on-one video call or voice note exchange.
🖼️ Share something creative: a photo, a playlist, a short piece of writing.

The more contexts you share, the more dimensions your friendship can grow into.

Step 7: Navigate the Lulls Without Panic

Even strong budding friendships go quiet sometimes. People get busy. Life happens. Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest.

Instead of spiraling, try:

🌞 Reaching out after a pause with warmth, not pressure: “Hey, just thinking of you. No rush to reply—hope life’s treating you gently.”
🌱 Giving them space, then trying again a few weeks later if it feels right
🪞 Checking in with your own expectations—are you trying to rush something that needs more time?

The middle stage of friendship is full of lulls. What matters is whether you and the other person return to each other over time.

Step 8: Accept When a Connection Has Run Its Course

Not every meaningful acquaintance will evolve into lasting friendship—and that’s okay.

It doesn’t mean you did something wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re hard to connect with. It just means that this person’s energy, life circumstances, or emotional bandwidth weren’t the right match at this time.

Instead of clinging to disappointment:

📝 Reflect on what felt good and what didn’t.
😢 Grieve the potential if needed—it’s okay to feel that.
🏅 Honor your effort and emotional courage.

💡 Every connection teaches you something about the kind of friend you want to be—and the kind of people you want to call your own.

Final Thoughts: Friendship Is Grown, Not Found

Real friendship isn’t something you stumble into fully formed. It’s something you cultivate—moment by moment, choice by choice.

Especially as an introvert, you get to build connection in ways that feel intentional, rich, and authentic. You don’t need to chase people or fake charisma.